[033. Keep giving me hope for a better day.]

[lydiascreams]

[Video - Pack + Friends*]
(ooc: *if you could see Stiles' previous filter, you can see this, + Lydia's friends.)

[Lydia is definitely looking a lot better than she was before the port. There's a massive pile of shopping bags on her bed that she still needs to put away, but she has Prada sitting on her lap, looking very pleased with himself.]

For those of you who were worried, we're back! We managed to come back on our own just fine and we just got here a couple of hours ago.

If anyone -- Scott -- is looking for Stiles, he went to his cabin.

And Allison? [She grins brightly and shows her this picture on her phone.]

Come see me!



[Video - Anyone she offended with her previous post + Arthas]
[After greeting everyone and taking some time to unpack, she finally sits down on her chair and sends the message she's been dreading. But she knows she has to do it.]

Before the port, I did some things I'm not proud of. I wasn't in the best frame of mind and I think this is a big reason why the Admiral took away my inmate to begin with.

This break from the Barge has given me time to think and hopefully find a better way of dealing with things here, of being a better warden. If anyone would like to ask me questions about anything, or wants to clear things up with me, I'm available.

I won't try to justify the things I did before, but I want to apologize to anyone who might have been hurt or offended by my actions.

Comments

[tucky]

Hey.

Where'd you go? Home?

[lydiascreams]

Hey.

We were already planning on going to Paris for a break, so we just stayed behind for a while longer.

[tucky]

Yeah? That's cool; good idea. It was a good port to do it in. Who'd you go with?

private, text

[imfollowinghim]

welcome back.

private, text

[lydiascreams]

Thanks, Bucky.

How are you doing?

private, text

[imfollowinghim]

better. thanks.

[text]

[theresalwayshope]

welcome back, sweetie.

[private video]

[lydiascreams]

[She'll insist on the video, because a text from Allison with nothing but three words? Not a good sign.]

What happened? Where are you? Start your video.

cw, violence against animals

[brbculling]

The last warden that turned me into an animal kicked me until my bones broke.

I didn't expect better. Don't bother.

[lydiascreams]

I don't expect you to forgive me for what I did. I don't forgive myself.

But for what it's worth, I will never do anything like that again. To you, or anyone else.

[omar]

[Not good enough for Omar. His voice is even and smooth as silk, but very, very cold.]

What things would those be, Warden?

[lydiascreams]

[She's glad he replied, but she knows this won't be easy.]

The baskets I got everyone, and never explained exactly what the effects would be, Omar.

[demolitions]

Would this be in the nature of a confession?

[lydiascreams]

A confession? No. I think an apology is the better word. [And for someone who didn't have a need to apologize for years growing up, this is a big deal.]

Filter #2

[formerself]

[He was originally just going to ignore this, but he's got a lot of time for people who can own their mistakes.]

Everyone fucks up sometimes.

Might wanna check that with someone else, though. Only been 'ere two days, ain't I.

[It's sly, though, not malicious or sarcastic.]

Filter #2

[lydiascreams]

[Lydia sighs softly and purses her lips at that. Yep, that was completely unnecessary.]

I might have been a little defensive by the time you got to me. I was starting to realize how much I had screwed up. [And this is one hundred percent sincere.]

[Pack + Friends Filter]

[semifreakingnormal]

Holy crap, you got a lot of stuff.

[But he is grinning. Basically unlimited shopping spree? Who hasn't dreamt of that? He's not even jealous, because it's only in his nature occasionally, and he brought home a bunch of new shit too, when he and Kira finally ventured out.

He is also glad for her not, because he is absolutely heading right to Stiles' room for details.]

[Pack + Friends Filter]

[voluntaryapnea]

Dude, there's so much stuff. It's nuts.

[He laughs as he checks his communicator and spots Scott.]

And yes, I got you bread.

[Pack + Friends Filter]

[lydiascreams]

Well, who knows when the next port is gonna happen? I had to stock up. I'll be here for a while. [And saying that, being comfortable with that acknowledgement. It means a lot to her considering the state she was in when they left.]

You boys have fun. And let me know when you're going to dinner. I miss you too, you know?

[punched_hitler]

Hey, welcome back - glad to hear you made it okay.

[lydiascreams]

[Her face brightens the second she sees him. She's so extremely relieved.]

Steve! I'm so glad you're awake. Are you okay?

[ Private ]

[leavetreadmarks]

Anyone givin' you too much trouble?

[Letty's voice is always a little rough, that's just how she sounds, but she's still shaking off her own experiences in Paris.

Nonetheless, she's glad Lydia got a break, and she's glad she came back ready to try again.]

[ Private ]

[lydiascreams]

[She smiles when she sees her. Letty has definitely helped her a lot in the past few weeks. And it's even nicer to see her checking on her like that.]

Nothing too bad so far. Nothing that they don't have the right to say, anyway.

How are you?

[ Spam ]

[surfaceshine]

[Dean is out of touch with what's going on around the Barge. It's only partially deliberate, and partially just how he operates these days - or rather, fails to. Sometimes he just loses track of time, of how it passes for the rest of the world, how it passes for him in it. Things happen and he misses them, or things he is waiting for never do.

The long and short of it is that he's not sure how long Stiles and Lydia were gone, and he misses when they came back, and today he isn't sure where or when he is because he's been drinking since he woke up this morning. Some days he can get by okay, but today is one of the days he doesn't even care who he has to ask for liquor or what he has to do to get it, as long as he does. As long as he doesn't have to stop drinking. As long as he can eventually just pass the fuck out of consciousness and not have to deal with anything until he wakes up again a day from now.

That's the plan. He's not quite there yet, still restless and desperate to move away from something, but the more he moves around the Barge, the more he's certain that what he's trying to get away from is himself. It's not the first time he's thought this, felt this way, but acknowledging it is always a sign that no one else should come near him. He spends a lot of time on the deck anyway, now, and when he looks up from moving from one point to another, he knows it's less than ideal. He knows someone will see him here, someone will approach eventually, but it's the best he can do.

Maybe he'll get lucky and they'll leave him passed out on the bench. Maybe he'll get lucky and he'll pass out at all. As if he ever gets lucky. It will have to do: he slumps down onto the bench, breathes in, and tries to make anything at all make sense - anything at all to feel better than it does.]

[ Spam ]

[lydiascreams]

[Maybe some people would leave him alone. Maybe some people would let him pass out on the bench and just avoid getting involved because, why bother?

Lydia would have done that in the past. Before the pack, before Allison, before Stiles, before the bite. But she made a promise to Scott that she was going to try and help people. The first life she helped save changed her in a way she didn't ever think one situation could change.

With her time on the barge, with so many failed attempts, she started to lose that again. But her break helped her get back on the right mind set. Now she remembers how it felt, and she remembers her promise and her purpose.

So when she sees Dean standing there, she doesn't even hesitate before making her way over to him.

They've been back for a few hours now. She spoke with Allison and she wants to find Scott to see how he's doing. But she'll make this stop, first. Because Dean doesn't seem to be doing well at all, and she doubts Stiles has had time to find his inmate.]

Hey Dean. [She calls out while she's still a few feet away, to give him time.]