lydiascreams | [033. Keep giving me hope for a better day.]

[Video - Pack + Friends*]
(ooc: *if you could see Stiles' previous filter, you can see this, + Lydia's friends.)

[Lydia is definitely looking a lot better than she was before the port. There's a massive pile of shopping bags on her bed that she still needs to put away, but she has Prada sitting on her lap, looking very pleased with himself.]

For those of you who were worried, we're back! We managed to come back on our own just fine and we just got here a couple of hours ago.

If anyone -- Scott -- is looking for Stiles, he went to his cabin.

And Allison? [She grins brightly and shows her this picture on her phone.]

Come see me!

[Video - Anyone she offended with her previous post + Arthas]
[After greeting everyone and taking some time to unpack, she finally sits down on her chair and sends the message she's been dreading. But she knows she has to do it.]

Before the port, I did some things I'm not proud of. I wasn't in the best frame of mind and I think this is a big reason why the Admiral took away my inmate to begin with.

This break from the Barge has given me time to think and hopefully find a better way of dealing with things here, of being a better warden. If anyone would like to ask me questions about anything, or wants to clear things up with me, I'm available.

I won't try to justify the things I did before, but I want to apologize to anyone who might have been hurt or offended by my actions.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Lydia's face falls at that. She's already standing by Allison, though, so she reaches for her hand.]

Gone? As in-- death tolling, or he went home? [And if he did-- poor Isaac.]

[She laughs a little, and this time the sound isn't kind.]

Gone as in 'real gone, man, super groovy.' Gone as in gone, as in taken, as in no word, no goodbyes, as in he didn't leave of his own volition.

[Despite the venom in her tone, she's gentle as she tugs her hand away from Lydia's the moment she feels the brush of her fingers. It brings too much to the surface, too much emotion and too much pain...and if she feels it, she won't be able to function.

She has a schedule. She has responsibilities. She has a plan, and it's keeping her vertical.]

And he might as well be gone from existence right now, because until I get my deal, I can't even go home to visit with him. I will not see Isaac again until change and get my deal--if I get my deal--and that's it. Nothing to talk about, nothing else to say.

[And she attempts to end the discussion by moving across the bar to retrieve a couple of glasses.

She can talk to Lydia, wants to talk to Lydia. She can have a couple drinks and listen to her gush about Stiles and Paris, and that will be good for her...to be with Lydia, to let a little warmth from the closeness of the pack seep in and ease the pain of the howling beast living in her skin, pining for its mate.

As long as she doesn't flash that stupid picture again...she'll be just fine.]

[There's a lot she could try to say to her. A lot she could try to do to try and ease her pain. But she knows none of it will really matter. Not when Allison has lost -- even if temporarily -- the boy she's in love with.

So Lydia doesn't say anything. She simply walks around the bar and closes the distance between them and wraps her arms tightly around her best friend.

Holding her, hugging her, being close to her and showing her she's not alone. Offering her whatever little comfort she can. She knows that the worst thing she can allow to happen right now is to let Allison shut her out. And it'll be harder for her to do that when she's pulling her closer physically.]

Edited 2015-06-09 06:00 (UTC)

Don't--don't.

[She does her best to be gentle as she tries to disentangle herself from Lydia. She knows what she's doing, and some part of her still appreciates that, but...]

I'm past that part.

[She tries to take a step back, to put distance between them, a hand raised.]

It's taken me this long to stop hiding in Zero and be functional again, okay? I cried. I fell apart. I couldn't function, and the only reason I'm vertical right now is that I'm not going back there. I know you think you're helping. You're not...I have to think of my animals, I have to think of the pack, the pub, and Tig, okay? So I'm sorry...but don't.

[It does hurt when Allison pushes her away, no matter how gently. She's missed her. She knows her best friend is hurting, she knows she's broken. She hasn't seen her in over a week. And Allison won't allow for her to comfort her.

Still, she takes a step back, her eyes tearing up, but she doesn't try to reach for Allison. Apologizing for being gone when Allison needed her doesn't seem to be the way to go, either.

So she really only has one thing to ask:]

What can I do?

Keep me vertical. Keep me on schedule...help me stick to the plan.

[Her voice quavers, goes breathy, but Allison swallows the tears. They aren't part of the plan.

She's sticking to the plan...and right now that involves drinks and talking.

She does manage to let her expression soften a little, and it's sincere.]

Sit down. Let me fix you a drink. Tell me everything about Paris with Stiles. C'mon, I'll make you anything you want. Soda? Cosmo? Appletini? Just plain water?

[This hardly feels like enough. Allison shutting her feelings down like that has never worked for her in the past, it probably won't work this time around, either.

But Lydia will have to let her see that for herself. And she'll have to be there for her when she breaks down.

With a deep breath, she shakes her head a little. She'll try to keep this neutral, but she just can't bring herself to tell her about how wonderful Paris was and how perfect everything with Stiles is. Because regardless of how much Allison is trying to pretend otherwise, she's still heart broken.]

Water, there's no point in drinking with a werewolf. [She even manages to add a small smile.]

[She manages to return Lydia's small smile with a ghost of her own...even reaches for Lydia's hand to squeeze it as hard as she dares, as hard as she wishes she could hug her without losing her cool.]

Thank you.

[She mouths the words more than she actually says them aloud, then pats the bartop with her free hand in front of an open stool.

She's glad Lydia understands...and even if she doesn't, she's glad Lydia will help her stick to the plan.

She'll be just fine, as long as she sticks to the plan.]

[033. Keep giving me hope for a better day.]

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