lydiascreams | [024. I was looking for a breath of a life]

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[024. I was looking for a breath of a life]

[Public Video]
[When Lydia shows up on the video, she's sitting in her entertainment room, her dog Prada in a Santa hat is sitting right next to her, obediently looking at the camera and she looks pretty happy. Not kinda-crazy-there's-a-flood-or-something happy, but genuinely so.]

As many of you know, and maybe some of you don't, I've been organizing events for the passengers, so we can all hang out together, get to know each other better. And also relax.

Things have been crazy lately, and it's been a couple of months since the last one. But now, with the holidays, I figured it would be the perfect time for us to have another movie night.

Like promised last time, we'll be watching Star Wars episodes 4, 5 and 6 this Sunday, the 28th.

Everyone interested let me know so I can get a common room set up and make sure we have snacks and everything we need. You can RSVP with me, or leave your name at the sign up sheet I'm leaving in the dining hall until tomorrow night.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Thank you for all the gifts, they were wonderful.

[Private video - pack + extended pack]
I don't think I have to say that your presence is required, right? Especially yours, Scott. [And yes, this is part of her master plan to see how he's acting around Kira. But also, she knows how much it means to Stiles that he actually watches these movies with him.]

[Private video - Stiles]
[Her face softens as she starts her message to him. What she wants to talk to him about isn't actually great, but she's hoping she's found a way to say it that she won't hurt his feelings or make him feel bad in any way.]
Hey, are you busy?

[Post-marathon spam - Scott]
[Scott's reaction to Kira during the movie marathon was-- subpar, at best, in Lydia's opinion. Well, no, it was actually pretty terribly awkward. She's not sure what exactly is going on with him because while at some points he was definitely looking at her like he wanted to say something, it was pretty obvious he was holding back.

She knows she'll have to give Kira her verdict soon, so she needs to figure things out for sure before she gets her hopes up even more and ends up getting her hurt because she somehow misread something. Which sounds absolutely ridiculous, but she's not going to take chances.

Which is why she sent Scott a message and asked him to come meet her up on the deck.

She's already there, sitting down on one of the chairs with Prada laying down on her lap. It's pretty quiet and she makes a mental note to come up here more often.]

[ooc: Open Spam: if you want Lydia to nudge your character into going to movie night, feel free to run into her somewhere on the ship. Can be the dining hall, or the hallways. The library, etc.]

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[Scott will jump into action for...well, for most people. Lydia calls and he answers, showing up only a few minutes later. HE smells Prada, and smiles as he heads for her chair, reaching out to scratch the dog's head.]

Hey. What's up?

[He's less awkward, less uncomfortable now that he can stretch his legs and, well. Stop watching Kira flirt with Merlin.]

Hey.

[Lydia smiles up at him, watching him as he plays with Prada as she tries to decide how he's doing now. He does look a little more relaxed, which is definitely good. She doesn't want him uncomfortable around her.]

We haven't talked much since you got back. [Aside from when she found him in his room, but that's not the point of this conversation at all. Allison and Scott are at a whole other level of problematic, but it's not one she thinks she should intervene with until they're ready.]

I didn't even get to hear how your trip went.

[He'll probably be grateful for the intervention, because Scott still doesn't know how to deal with it. Having a beta - it's not just having a beta, it's Allison, and he turned her. He tries not to think of that, focusing instead on more recent conversations and teasing. He smiles a little, and sits down on the floor in front of her, patting his legs in the hopes that Prada will come play with him.]

It was good. Their world is crazy, though - my hands got so sweaty.

[Prada gets up almost immediately, barks, then jumps from her lap straight onto Scott's. Lydia smiles and shakes her head, adjusting on her chair.]

Your hands got sweaty? What do you mean?

Oh - you know how Cassel always wears gloves? [He scratches at the dog's ears almost immediately, finding all the sweet spots.] Daneca does, too. Their whole world does. It's like - taboo to go without them. Kinda like walking around naked, or something. Because there are people with powers there that they call Workers, but they can only Work if they touch someone with bare hands. It's this whole crazy history thing...I don't really think it's right, but it's not like my opinion's gonna change a whole planet.

[He shrugs.] So I just had to wear these gloves all the time. Weird to get used to.

[Well, that was a whole lot easier than she thought it was gonna be. She just nods slightly at his explanation. She's heard about the gloves, and the issues Scott just implied sound interesting but that's a conversation for another time. Right now, he brought up exactly who she'd been hoping he would when she asked him about his trip.

It's not manipulating the conversation so much, she just doesn't want to ask him too directly because she doesn't want to make him even more uncomfortable. Casual seems to work better with Scott until he absolutely needs you to be direct with him. Which she can do, too.]

Did you see Daneca while you were there?

Yeah. [He makes a ridiculous face at Prada, glancing back up at Lydia.]

Yeah, I spent the time at her place. Cassel and Chris didn't want me at dinner with his family - I guess it might've been weird.

[And he's starting to think that not insisting that he be there was a huge, huge mistake.]

How did that go?

[Because, as far as Lydia knows, they've broken up. And now, finding out that he spent however many days at her place-- it sounds weird. The long distance thing doesn't even cross her mind, because it's not something she'd be able to do.

And she can't imagine just staying over at Jackson's place in London for a few days months after he left. At least not without something happening. All of which would have been a terrible idea for both of them.]

[That makes him blink, looking up at her with a confused little look on his face.]

What do you mean?

[Because she doesn't really seem like the kind of friend he should be dishing girlfriend details with. And that's still how he sees her - because the long distance thing is insane, and he hates it, but he can't just give up on them because of the distance. He didn't give up on Allison because she was in France. He shrugs awkwardly.]

It went - good?

It went well. [She corrects him automatically then shakes her head because his grammar isn't the point and he already looks lost enough as is.

And this is the point when he starts needing her to get more direct. So she takes a deep breath and places her elbows on her knees as she leans forward a little.]

I meant-- she's your ex-girlfriend, Scott. You haven't seen her in how many months? It must have been hard on you, seeing her again and then coming back. [To find Allison almost dead outside his room. But-- not thinking about that.]

Well, [he mumbles after her, because he's always terrible at that stuff, but still determined to get better. But when she goes on, when she does get direct, Scott just straightens with a completely bewildered look on his face.]

Who said she's my ex? I went to see her cause I missed her. [But he shrugs, a little reluctantly.] It sucks, that she's there and I'm here - I mean, it was hard, but - we didn't break up.

[The befuddlement at least covers thoughts of what he came back to.]

Wait, you didn't? [She's actually shocked at that because-- what? Daneca left, as far as Lydia knows, because she wanted to. Granted, she doesn't know much about her or her life, but-- she wouldn't just leave Stiles.

Shaking her head, she sits up again.] So you've been with her, this whole time, without actually being able to talk to her or see her?

[And he was definitely very bothered by Kira and Merlin at the marathon. Scott, you're a mess.]

You're still with her?

[He is absolutely a mess, and when she puts it like that the whole thing just feels...not nightmarish, he's seen nightmares. But it still sucks. he runs both hands over his face.]

Yeah. Yeah, I - Lydia, I told her I love her. Before she left.

Scott.

[She pauses and takes a deep breath before she carefully decides which approach would be better in this situation. She feels bad for him because she knows Scott isn't going to willingly hurt anyone, even if it means protecting himself.]

What-- Where do you think this is going? I mean, is she planning on coming back to the Barge anytime soon?

[He just looks down at Prada, focusing on the dog's coat as he runs his hand over it, habit making him check her over. Ribs, coat, fat, she's perfect and he can feel it just as well as he can smell it.]

No. I don't think so. But I can't just--

[He stops, trying to pick his words carefully. He knows she didn't just stop caring about Jackson when he went to London, but they will always have different ways of dealing with relationship pain. He doesn't want to accidentally insult her now.]

I still care about her. And she was glad to see me, too.

Okay.

[She sits up and scoots forward a little so that she's closer to him. She's not going to tell him what he should do because-- obviously this isn't an easy situation. But she can give him her opinion if she feels like he wants to hear it.]

I know this isn't the same thing, but when Jackson left for London, I still loved him then, too. I told him as much.

But I made the conscious decision to let him go completely because even though it was harder at the time, I knew it was gonna be easier on both of us in the long run.

Daneca has her whole life outside the Barge again now. And you-- when you get out of here, you're going home, right? You're from entirely different worlds, Scott. Do you really see this going somewhere? Or is it just the fear of moving on?

[He wants to tell her he's not afraid, but the words don't come. Instead, he just frowns at some middle distance between them.

Is he afraid? He's not sure, he doesn't feel afraid, he just....doesn't want to let go of her.]

I'll go home. [Because he can't not, because as much as he likes her, it's not an option. Home is home, and he can't abandon them all. And he doesn't expect her to do the same, either. So where does that leave them?

He scratches at his nose, and finally looks up to meet her eyes again.]

I don't know. I've been thinking about it, I just...

[He shrugs helplessly.] I don't know.

[She nods slightly, relieved to hear that he's going home when the time comes. She can't imagine how lost they'd all be without him around.]

I know it's not an easy decision, so you should take your time trying to figure it out. I just don't think it's fair to either one of you to continue in a relationship when-- you won't be able to be together in the future.

[It's not something that's easy for her to say, because she knows it can't be easy for him to hear. But from how lost he looks, she's guessing he needs to hear it.]

Maybe you need to take some time to figure it out and then go back there.

[He wants to tell her she doesn't know what she's talking about. He wants to get angry and insist they'll find a way, because he loves Daneca, he does, and he knows how she feels. She loves him too, can't love him less because she decided she couldn't stay here any longer. How can he blame her for that? as much as he believes in what's done here, he isn't blind. Their first date was in a different universe, as different people. Worse people. She had every right to leave.

But how are they supposed to make this work?

Scott shakes his head, finally shifting Prada off his lap so he can stand. Lydia isn't wrong, he knows that. She does know what she's talking about. He just wishes she didn't.

Dropping his jaw and scratching at his nose, he starts to nod and just ends up shaking his head again.]

I don't...I just - I'm not ready to say goodbye yet.

[She makes no move to get up when he does, just pulls Prada back on her lap and looks up at Scott. This isn't how she imagined this conversation going. But she knows he'll need time. And she'll want to support him through this as much as she can. Out of all of them, she's probably the one who had the closest experience to this. With Jackson. And with Allison in France, she went through that pretty much alone.]

I get that. Like I said, you should take your time, but you should think about it, Scott.

[Lydia takes a deep breath, then shakes her head.]

No matter how long you wait, though, I can tell you it won't make it any easier. [Not until it's done. Even after they broke up, she didn't start moving on from Jackson until he moved. And she pretty much had to force herself to do it. But she has that kind of discipline, she assumes Scott will need a little help with it.]

That's what I was afraid of.

[He mumbles it, looking down at his hands. He's picturing them in gloves. He's picturing holding her gloved hands. He's picturing her hands without gloves. He's picturing a lot of things, none of which will really help in a long run. But he doesn't want to make the long run, he just wants to sprint, he wants to miss her and think about when he'll next see her, and--

Nodding to himself, Scott lets out a long breath, forcing his head up and his shoulders back.]

I will think about it. [He manages a small smile for Lydia.]

I guess I don't know if Kira knows, but...

[He trails off, because he still doesn't know what to say to her, or how to feel, because it still feels like they keep missing each other, like their timing is wrong. But he can't just give up on Daneca. He doesn't move on easily.]

Edited 2015-02-12 00:46 (UTC)

[While he's standing there, Lydia decides that just giving him some time is probably the best option. She knows she's said a lot to him, she knows he'll need to face this and she knows it'll be hard.

But then he mentions Kira and all of the sudden, she feels guilty.

Wincing, she shifts on her seat and she knows Scott can probably smell how uncomfortable she is, so maybe she just needs to be honest with him.]

She doesn't know. Not really. And-- I might have encouraged her to go for it, for you. Because I had no idea you were still with Daneca.

Oh.

[He looks off, out at the stars. Maybe he should be angry, but he's not. Because a part of him - not a little part, either - wishes he could just go home with Kira, and see where life takes them.

But he won't leave the Barge, and he can't just forget Daneca. She was important to him. Is, he corrects himself. She is important to him.]

Sorry. Guess I should've said something.

[With a soft sigh, Lydia shakes her head. And finally stands up, too, after setting Prada down.]

You don't have to apologize. I shouldn't have said anything when I didn't know for sure.

I can talk to her.

Thanks, Lydia.

[He's not sure what else to say, so he smiles a little at her. It's like everything is shifting, now. He didn't want it to, but he doesn't know how to go backwards, either. You can't just un-have a conversation. He turns for the door again.]

I have some treats for Prada in the clinic, if you wanna stop by whenever.

[Post-Marathon Spam]

lydiascreams - 2015-03-19 05:00 (UTC) - Expand

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