lydiascreams | [012. Haunting me, taking its sweet time.]

[Video -- Wardens]
[Lydia looks a little more tired than usual. Not even her makeup is able to really cover up the dark circles under her eyes. But she's still doing her best to look put together. Her hair is in a half updo and she's wearing a white and pink flower print dress.

If anyone asks, she will blame Bucky's training for her exhaustion. But it has very little to do with it.]

I don't know how many of you heard about the new inmate, Jerry Dandrige. He barely arrived and he has already spent a week in Zero. He has hurt a few people and I'm afraid he will do it again.

Those of you with more experience here, what do you suggest we do about it?

[Video -- Andrew]
[She does make a bigger effort to smile when she contacts Andrew, though.]

I've had some ideas about how to help you with the Anchor thing.

[Spam -- Stiles]
[She knows it has to be all in her head. Between her inability to sleep in the past few days, constantly seeing him out in the halls every time she turns to go somewhere. Every time she closes her eyes. She's done enough research to know it's some kind of PTSD. And she also knows that the fact that he is dead has to be throwing off her banshee senses.

But it's getting hard even for Lydia Martin to remain logical. It's only been a couple of days since it started getting really bad, but she hasn't been able to clear her mind enough to stop it. And tonight is no different.

No, if anything, tonight is even worse. She's in her cabin and she keeps feeling like he's going to just show up in there. In bed, next to her. Telling her he can't give her answers yet. Much like Peter had done. Because she's having a hard time separating the two. And she can't help but wonder what kind of power Jerry will find he has over her when he does have the confirmation she's indeed a banshee.

Trying to tell herself she's being ridiculous isn't helping. Lydia rubs her hands over her face but when she glances over, all she can do is focus on the light coming from the hallway from underneath her door. And every time someone walks past her cabin, she tenses. She doesn't even know if there really are people out there or not. She doesn't know if the shadows are all in her head. But she does feel like she's losing it yet again.

She can't just lay there anymore. She glances over at the clock and it's almost one. She has to be up in 3 hours for training and she's determined not to embarrass herself in front of Bucky or anyone else anymore, so she knows she needs to get some rest.

And she knows there's only one place where she might actually get it.

Her body is sore as she pushes herself off the bed, pausing only for a second to grab her robe and wrap it around herself. She will come back to change in the morning.

Lydia does hesitate before pulling the door open and when she does, she takes a deep breath. Then rolls her eyes at herself and steps outside. She doesn't see him at first, but eventually, just as she's about to leave the 5th floor, she glances down the hall and she swears he's there. And then, at least three more times before she reaches the door of 712. And by the time she does, she's already looking around herself, eyes wide, just waiting. Expecting him to show up and grab her. Expecting claws to dig at her side and teeth at hew neck.

She knocks quickly, standing very close to the door as she glances over one shoulder, then the other. And hopes Stiles will hurry up.]

[Spam -- Bucky]
[Lydia is angry. She's angry about a lot. About what Jerry has been doing to her. If it's really him, if it's something in her head, she doesn't know. She's angry at Allison for wanting to protect her instead of protecting herself. She's angry at the other wardens for jumping to the conclusion that killing is the only solution. And she's angry at herself for not being able to control any of these situations.

So this morning, when she shows up to training, she's completely different. She's not complaining. She's quieter than usual. And she's focuses. Very focused on everything Bucky is telling them. Even if she barely wants to look at him right now. She knows that at the very least, learning what he is teaching will give her more control. Will help her be able to help herself instead of relying on Allison or someone from the pack to save her life every time.

After training is over, she doesn't leave. She heads to one of the stations to go back to training. She knows inmates can't come in here unless they are let in, so at least she knows she's safer here than in the rest of the barge.]

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[He rubs her back lightly, leaning his head against hers once more.]

Yeah. I'm gonna talk with Dean about it. [Again, but he doesn't add that.] I think leaving Allison out of it's definitely for the best.

Edited 2014-09-05 16:54 (UTC)

[She lifts her head just slightly and presses her nose to his jaw as she closes her eyes again, twisting her fingers loosely against his shirt.]

Maybe just not tell him who you're talking about? I really want to avoid the vampire hunt. [It's not so much that she thinks Jerry is any good, but she doesn't want anyone else to have to kill him. There has to be another way.]

[He winces at that.]

Yeah, well that's...sort of the thing. He already knows. He figured it out. He's also in the room right next to the guy. [He makes a face.]

[Lydia winces too, then pulls away from him and looks up at him once again. In a way, it's good that someone like Dean is next to Jerry, because at least he can protect himself. But it's not good for his progress, is it?]

What do you think he's going to do?

[He draws in a breath and lets it out slowly.]

Probably figure out his weaknesses long before anyone else figures it out. [And by that, he means he'll be surprised if Jerry doesn't end up death tolling in the next few days.]

[She wants to ask what he's planning to do about it, but she can tell he's already worked up as is and it's not like they can predict what Dean is going to do. So she squeezes him to her side gently then takes a deep breath.]

Should we try to get a couple hours of sleep before bootcamp? [She's still not overjoyed about going back after Bucky humiliated her in front of all her friends, but she will. And she will be better than everyone expects someone like her to be.]

[He nods, pausing at the way she says bootcamp. He knows she's not happy about it. He tugs her a little closer.]

Yeah, probably a good idea. [He hesitates, looking down. He knows things about Bucky that no one else does, including Steve. He knows a lot of the reasons why he does the things he does, why he reacts to things the way he does. He's not going to divulge those reasons anymore than he'd divulge Lydia's secrets to someone, or Dean's. But maybe he could help a little.]

He's...really been through a lot. He's not like...trying to torment you. You know that right? [His voice is quiet.]

[She doesn't really want to talk about it. But she should have know better than to mention something she doesn't want to talk about in front of Stiles and expect him not to try to make it better.

With a sigh, she nods and looks away from him.]

I know. It's just-- It's not my thing. Obviously. It's not something I'll ever be any good at. [And do you have any idea how hard it is for her to not be good at something?]

[He squeezes her to his side lightly, nodding in understanding. Because yeah. He does get it.]

I know. It isn't mine either, and...I have my doubts I'll ever excel at it, but... [He shrugs.] I guess in a way making the effort at least kind of makes me feel better.

Edited 2014-09-06 01:41 (UTC)

[Nodding, Lydia looks up at him. She and Stiles are just better at other things. Their role in the pack is different. They are not the fighters.]

Yeah. But I know why it's important. [A pause.]

I don't want to need Allison to protect me every time. [She adds quietly, chest tight once more.]

[They're definitely not the fighters. They're the strategizers. And that's okay. As Steve pointed out to him recently -- that's damn important.]

I know. [His own voice drops and he looks down. His reasons are pretty similar. He wants to be able to take care of himself. To not have to be rescued all the time.]

Me either.

[She watches him for a moment then, with a deep breath, she pulls a hand from around him, cups his face and presses her lips to his cheek once more. Because she knows that if there is anyone in the pack who would get what she means, it'd be Stiles.]

C'mon, let's just lay down for a while.

[As she pulls away, she stands up and looks down at him.]

We only have a couple of hours.

[He smiles faintly, and lets his eyes close when she kisses his cheek again.]

Yeah, we should at least try and sleep until it's time to get up and head to bootcamp.

[He looks up at her and rises to his feet, too, tugging the covers back and casting a glance over at his books all over the desk. He'll have to get back to it as soon as Bucky's done with them for the day.]

[Lydia makes her way around the bed, to the side further away from the door where she usually sleeps. She removes her shoes then pulls the covers down before sliding under them.]

Think you'll be able to sleep?

[He nods and toes off his own shoes before climbing into bed beside her, lying on his side facing her in the middle of the bed, a hand tucked under his pillow.]

Yeah, I think so. What about you?

[She turns on her side to face him, too, pulling the covers up to her shoulders, she takes a quick glance toward the door and at the gap underneath it, her stomach clenching again. She doesn't see anything there now. But she doesn't want to look long, so she focuses back on Stiles.]

I think so.

[He hesitates, then reaches out and lets his arm drape over her, his hand resting on her back.]

Night, Lydia.

[A soft smile appears on her lips and she shifts closer to him, wrapping an arm around him, too, and resting her head on his pillow instead, pressing her forehead against his chest so he is completely shielding her view of the door. Then she sighs deeply, and relaxes.]

Night, Stiles.