[030. Everybody's gotta find their way out. Shining through the dark.]

[lydiascreams]

[Friends]
[Lydia doesn't look too happy, but it's hard to tell what, exactly, is off about her. She's definitely concerned and overall, there's something heavier about her posture, her expression.

She's sitting by her desk and beside her communicator is, a pile of the books given to her for Christmas about the supernatural and about banshees. She's been studying.]

I know a lot of people have been feeling off since we got back from the port. I was in the infirmary myself for over a day. But there's something else going on. Something about the Barge is different, I don't know what, exactly. But I can feel it.

It's not death, but almost like a shadow. We all need to be careful. [She knows not everyone she considers her friend knows she's a banshee. But she cares about them so she wants to warn them. She's just not ready to announce it to the entire barge and cause panic.]


[Andrew]
[That's not the only thing worrying her, however. She has her warden item, her key, in her hand and is looking down at it when she starts the video to her inmate.]

Hey. I think we need to talk.


[Spam - Kira]
[She has heard about Kira being awake again after her time at the infirmary. She hasn't been over there to see her yet, though. And she hasn't really talked to her since the day she learned about Jackson.

And she knows it's about time for her to apologize. Or-- at least make things clearer. So she makes her way over to Kira's room and knocks on her door, hoping she's actually there so they can get this over with.]


[Allison]
[She feels silly, leaving her a message like this. But she used to write her texts before coming here, before Allison's arrival. Of things she needed to talk to her best friend about. And she has been talking to her in her room, but right now she feels like she can't leave because she has research to do. To stop someone else from getting hurt. So this will have to do.]

I need you to wake up. If something bad's about to happen, [And it is.] I need to know for sure you're okay.


[Jean]
[She's been meaning to do this since he arrived, but there's been so much going on, she never actually followed through with it. But now that she's talking to him again, she figures he's waited long enough.]

Hey Jean, can I ask you something?

Comments

[voluntaryapnea]

I'll always come for you.

[It's a promise. He'll never leave her behind, never not come for her if she needs him. Not if he has any control over things.]

[lydiascreams]

[Her face softens and she shifts a little closer to him, brushing her nose against his.]

I know. [He has now, for a long time.]

I will too, you know, right?

[voluntaryapnea]

[He smiles softly, leaning his forehead against hers and resting a hand on the back of her head.]

I know.

[lydiascreams]

[She lets go of his hand and lifts a hand to his side, sliding it under his overshirt as she presses her lips against his. It's a soft kiss, but her heart is beating faster. Because even though they haven't done nearly as much as she'd have liked, she feels so close to him. It feels intimate, even though they're just laying there, fully clothed.]

[voluntaryapnea]

[His other hand moves to rest on her hip, pulling her closer and returning the kiss, shifting so he's flat on his back with her half atop him.]

[lydiascreams]

[She smiles softly against his lips as she shifts on the bed. She links her leg over his and slides her hand under his shirt as she kisses him. It's instinct for her, to seek that kind of physical contact and the comfort she gets from it. Especially with Stiles.]

[voluntaryapnea]

[His breath hitches when her fingers brush against his bare skin, and he opens his eyes, gazing up at her. He cups her face in his hand, brushing his thumb lightly over her cheek.]

I love you.

[His voice is soft. He doesn't want to stop them, but he knows he has to. Because it might not be safe, even if it probably is.]

[lydiascreams]

[She feels him tense but she just brushes her fingers over his side gently. It's not like she's crossing a line and has her hand down her pants. At least, she doesn't think it is.]

I love you, too. [She whispers back to him, kissing him gently then pressing her lips against his jaw. She just wants him to relax.]

[voluntaryapnea]

[He exhales, letting his eyes drift shut as she presses her lips to his skin. His heart is beating quickly, the way it always does when they're making out, and distantly it occurs to him that when they do actually make love, he'll probably have a heart attack.

But what a way to go.]

[lydiascreams]

[When he doesn't seem to freak out or pull away, she lowers her head a little, kissing his jaw, then his neck softly. But definitely not leaving any marks. She'll have to work him up to that.

And then she lifts her head again, smiling at him for a second before kissing him again. This time, the kiss is deeper as she shifts a little more on top of him, her chest pressed against his, her hand pushing his shirt up just a little more.]

[voluntaryapnea]

[He slides a hand down her back to rest on her hip, gently rubbing through the thin material of her dress as he sinks into the kiss for a long moment, getting lost in it, in her, in how natural it feels to do this, to be this close to her.

He wants more, wants the reassurance that this isn't going to end soon, that it can always be like this even if he knows it can't.]

Wait.

[His voice is soft.]

We should talk.

[lydiascreams]

[She's pretty lost in it, too. Not only has it been over a year since she's had any kind of intimacy like this with anyone, things with Stiles always feel more intense. And it's intoxicating to feel the effect she's having on him, being able to focus on him and not on what she's feeling about the barge.

But when he breaks the kiss and says wait, she almost groans. Somehow, she manages just a deep breath instead.]

Stiles. [She mutters quietly, then purses her lips together and shifts slightly to look up at him.

She almost tells him it's okay, that she can show him what to do, but she knows he needs to talk about it. This is why she's been patiently waiting for him.

So instead, she nods slightly, and waits.]

[voluntaryapnea]

I'm sorry.

[His voice is quiet and he swallows hard, resting his hands on her waist and shifting until they're both sitting up again. He rubs the back of his neck, biting his lower lip.]

I want to. Like I really want to, Lydia. But I need to -- [He pauses, looks down and then exhales.]

I have to get tested first.

[lydiascreams]

[She frowns a little when he apologizes and she's about to counter him, but then he sits up and sits her up with him and she frowns more.

Once she adjusts on the bed and looks at him again, she already has her speech ready to go, she's barely listening to him.]

It's okay. Stiles, I know you haven't-- [Tested? Did he just say he needs to get--]

Wait, what?

[voluntaryapnea]

[It isn't a conversation he's been looking forward to no matter how much he knows it has to happen. He purses his lips and looks up at her when she starts to say one thing and then realizes what he said. He nods a little and looks down again, sighing softly.]

It's probably fine. I mean, I think were-coyotes are probably immune to things like STDs but I need to make sure.

[lydiascreams]

You mean you're not-- [A virgin. Which she obviously thought he was all along.

But no, that's not the case at all and the second he says werecoyote, her eyes widen.]

You mean Malia? [He slept with Malia? The girl who spent most of her life in the woods as an animal? Really Stiles? When did that even happen?]

[voluntaryapnea]

Yeah. [He knows what she's asking before she can even finish the question, which she doesn't. He rises to his feet because he needs to think and he thinks better when he's pacing the floor.]

At Eichen House.

[His voice is quiet and he doesn't look at her.]

Brunski -- he drugged me. She uh, she helped me. Woke me up. We were looking for information in the basement and -- I don't know. It just sort of happened. But I didn't have anything with me. You know. Protection.

[lydiascreams]

At Eichen...

[When he was drugged, possessed by the nogitsune and in some basement? The memory of at least one of the basements, the one she went to, the one she led everyone to, makes her shudder. But she tries to hide it by sitting up and taking a deep breath.]

It sounds like a terrible experience.

[voluntaryapnea]

[He knows how it sounds. Knows how much worse it will sound if he admits it was mostly because he'd been completely convinced that he was going to die. That he's that much of a teenage boy sometimes. But it's worse for other reasons, too, and that's what's been troubling him.]

She'd only been human for a couple of weeks.

[His voice wavers a little and he turns away from her, chewing his thumbnail. There's no way she could have been in the right frame of mind to consent to what they'd done. She'd been acting on animal instinct and he'd let her because he'd been selfish.]

[lydiascreams]

You regret it?

[It's pretty clear that he does already, but she wants to ask, anyway. Because it's important for him to talk about it. Especially if they wanna take that step anytime soon. It's important for her to understand what he is and what he's not comfortable with.]

[voluntaryapnea]

[He shuts his eyes, rubs a hand over his face.]

It was about as well thought out as any of my plans ever are.

[Yes. Pretty much.]

[lydiascreams]

[Lydia winces slightly. It's not as if her first time was the stuff of fairy tales. She and Jackson were both virgins. It was awkward, painful, and not at all pleasurable for her. But it was normal. And definitely not while she was possessed, drugged and locked up in a mental institute with someone who was an animal until a few weeks before that.

With a deep breath, she shifts to sit down on the edge of the bed, and holds her hand out to him.]

Come here.

[voluntaryapnea]

[He exhales slowly and reluctantly turns to face her, still chewing his thumbnail as he meets her eyes. He doesn't want to say the words out loud that he thought he was going to die. He doesn't want her or Scott or any of them to think it was that he'd lost faith in them. He'd thought that it was inevitable, that even if he'd gotten unpossessed somehow, he was still dying from the same disease that had killed his mom.

He doesn't say it.

His gaze drops to her hands and he slowly reaches out and takes them, letting her tug him closer until he's sitting beside her.]

[lydiascreams]

[She can tell, from the look on his face that this is bigger than just wrong place/wrong person type of situation. He doesn't just regret it, there's definitely more to it than that.]

I'm glad you told me. [And if this was anyone else she's slept with in the past, she might be annoyed because they were talking about other girls with her. But not with Stiles. They're in this for the long run, she understands how important it is to make things right, to talk it out.]

Whatever happened then, that whole situation you were in. It's over, Stiles. We're changing so many things when we go back. Any regrets or worries you have about it, they won't matter anymore. [They won't exist. Because her deal is for him to never get possessed in the first place.]

That may not even ever happen at all.

[voluntaryapnea]

[He lets out a breath and leans his elbows on his knees, nodding as she talks.]

Yeah. I know. You're right. It's not going to matter eventually.

[Because it's never going to happen at all. Their deals will erase it all together.]

But...until I get tested, we can't... [He glances up at her.] Be together like that. Because I won't risk you. Not even a little bit.