lydiascreams | [032. And you want three wishes.]

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[032. And you want three wishes.]

[Today, a basket of candy showed up in everyone's cabin.

The candy will be personalized to match people's tastes. If for some reason someone's world doesn't have candy, it'll be a collection of the best candy from Lydia's Earth.

There'll be a note on the basket that says:

Be Sweeter!
♥ Lydia

Those who eat the candy will be feeling a lot more mellow, calm, and will be overall less likely to get involved in fights or anything violent.

The more candy consumed, the stronger the effect will be. The time it lasts will depend on everyone's biology and metabolism. The only side effect is that-- it might make people hungrier than usual.

She's fully expecting people to ask her about the candy, and she'll be glad to answer questions anyone might have. Even if she is pretty worn out from getting all of that done.]

[Video - Wardens]
[She's also exhausted from the other thing she did. After Arthas was released, she wasted no time before taking care of him.

When she starts the video, she has a tired, but satisfied smile on her lips.]

I have taken care of Arthas for the time being. He won't be hurting anyone.

[She turns the camera to show a bunny in a pen, and he's showing her his teeth. So she turns the camera back to herself.]

He's pretty vicious for now. I encourage anyone who knows him to come see him and talk to him. He's still himself and he'll remain this way until he starts to listen to us.

For his safety, I won't let him out of my sight, but his communicator is with him in case you want to leave him a message.

[Private - Pounce]
[She's still more than a little shaken up. She doesn't know what she was thinking, she doesn't understand how she couldn't see it before, but she does now. And she wants to fix it. So she follows Letty's suggestion and doesn't hesitate before asking for more help.]

I need your help with Arthas. It's urgent.

[Spam - Stiles]
[It's not until after she took care of everything with Arthas. Until after she spoke with Letty, took a shower and she managed to calm down that she makes her way over to his cabin with Prada in her arms.

She finds it strange that he hasn't checked in on her yet, but as she uses her key and quietly steps into his room only to find him passed out on his desk, it suddenly makes sense why.

So she closes the door quietly, sets Prada down, then silently makes her way over to her boyfriend.

If he was in bed, she wouldn't wake him. But as it is, he just looks uncomfortable.]

Stiles. [She whispers quietly, then places a hand on his arm.]

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[When he's confident she really is physically fine, he lets his gaze shift back to meet her eyes. The distress there is nearly palpable and he shifts closer to her, reaching up and cupping her face in his hands.]

Lydia, hey.

[His voice grows soft once more.]

We all make mistakes. There isn't a handbook here.

I know. But this isn't who I wanna be, this isn't what I wanna do. I thought I was helping him, but I'm not--

[She shakes her head slightly, then sighs deeply, leaning her face into his hands but looking down.]

He unpaired me from Andrew then sent him home for a reason. What if I can't do this? [What happens to him and Allison if she can't?]

[He pulls her into his arms, holding her close and resting his hand on the back of her head.]

He sent Jack and Facilier home, too. I don't think any of that's a judgement on you guys.

[She turns her face against his chest as she wraps her arms around him tightly.]

What if it is? What if I never get my deal and he just sends me home and-- [She can bring herself to say it. But what if Allison is still dead and Stiles is still broken? And what if there's nothing she can do about it?]

[His chest tightens at that and he shakes his head, refusing to think about that.]

Hey, no. That's not going to happen. It won't. [And now his voice is firm, confident. She won't get sent home. She can't.]

[She knows what she did, she knows she scared him, too. Because she doesn't know how she'd stay here if he was gone.

So she takes a deep breath and pulls back enough to look at him.]

I'm sorry.

Edited 2015-05-18 04:10 (UTC)

It's okay.

[And it's not like he hasn't scared her a thousand and one times in a hundred different ways in the last couple of years.]

You're not getting sent back, all right?

[He won't let it happen.]

[She nods slightly, then wraps her arms around his neck so she can pull him closer.]

If I-- [take a break. But she doesn't want the same confusion as last time, so she catches herself.]

Leave for a while, after Allison wakes up, will you come with me?

[He pulls her closer still, and rests his forehead against hers.]

Yeah. You're not getting rid of me.

[He kisses the tip of her nose.]

[She sighs in relief, nodding slightly as she brushes her nose against his. Just him being there, holding her like this is already helping. It always does.]

Do you think we can get back with the way the ship is now? Without the Admiral?

[He purses his lips, considering the same question that's been plaguing his mind for awhile now.]

I don't know. I hope so.

[She nods slightly, hoping that whatever is happening, whatever happened to the Admiral ends soon. Because she knows where they're headed if it doesn't. They've all been to the other Barge.

But she doesn't wanna think about that, she doesn't wanna consider it until it becomes an issue.

With a deep breath, she tugs on his hand and pulls him toward the bed so they can sit down. Both because this is a draining conversation and because she needs a moment before going back on the main subject.]

Stiles. Can I ask you something extremely personal?

[He's trying very hard not to think about the other barge at all. To the Scott that was there. The Lydia. To the memory of Scott ripping her throat out right in front of him.

He lets her tug him over to the bed and he sits down on the edge of it, raising his eyebrows at the question. There's not a lot left that she doesn't already know about him in the extremely personal sense.]

Yeah, of course. What is it?

[This is probably one of the very few things she doesn't know. One of the few things they don't know about each other. They even talked about their families some and-- she doesn't normally bring up her grandma to anyone. And she knows he rarely talks about his mom. But they've talked about them.

Somehow, this feels even more personal, though. She talked about it with Scott. With Allison. But never with him.]

You don't have to answer if you don't want to. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.

But-- your deal. What is it for?

[It's one of the only things she doesn't already know. And it's one he hasn't anticipated her asking after all this time. He grows still, color draining from his face. He takes a deep breath, and rubs a hand over his cheek before letting go of her hand and moving to stand up again. Does he tell her or does he beg off the question? She'll probably figure it out if he does the latter. Either way, she'll know.

And it doesn't matter. He's changing it anyway. He just hasn't yet. He's been busy.]

Okay, if I tell you, I need you to not -- freak out. Or be angry with me. I'm changing it, I just haven't gotten around to it yet.

[Oh no. That's not a good reaction at all. She wasn't expecting it to be easy because the whole subject isn't easy. But the way he's suddenly pacing, the way he put distance between them makes her stomach drop.

It's not good. And considering the state he was in when he made the deal, of course it's no good.

But he's changing it, he seems to have made up his mind already. And he's being honest with her, so this is a good thing. Right?]

I won't. I promise.

[It isn't an easy subject, and he knows she's going to hate what he has to say, and he's trying to put it in the most gentle way possible because she's already stressed.]

Okay, when the Admiral showed up -- I'd just picked up Kira's sword. Back at the school. When we were -- uh, fighting the nogitsune. [He can say the word now without wanting to puke, but not by much.]

I was pretty sure that I was going to be following through with what it wanted. I mean, I didn't know that I hadn't until Scott left and then came back and I asked if our parents were okay. So I guess I kind of figured that...it didn't matter one way or the other if I was gonna die anyway. I figured if I was, I might as well make it count. Save all those people. Save Allison. Aiden.

[It's her turn to still, to have all color drain from her face as her eyes widen and tear up. She was expecting a lot. Harsh, desperate decisions, from the guilt he was feeling.

And she should have been expecting this. Because that's always his solution, isn't it? He doesn't think he's worth saving. He doesn't think he even deserves to live after what that thing made him do.

She wants to tell him. She wants to remind him and she wants to scream at him how much she needs him.

But she promised him she wouldn't.

So she just clasps her hands together, trying to hold on to all of it instead of exploding at him.]

Please tell me what you're changing it to. [Her voice is thick with everything she's holding back, but she needs to hear that.]

[It had been a desperate decision. It had felt right at the time. It had felt right for a long time after he'd arrived, even. In his dreams some nights, it still does. But it isn't. Not for her or for Scott or his dad. If Allison knew what his deal was, she'd kick his ass up and down the Barge. And it isn't right for him anymore, either.

He lifts his gaze to look at her, and he sees how tightly she's clasping her hands together. His chest hurts when he sees the pain in her eyes and when he hears it in her voice. This is why he hadn't told her. It's why he never told anyone.]

I haven't -- completely decided on that yet, actually. But I am changing it. I just know that...I have plenty of time to figure it out. [He takes a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck.] I was thinking about going back to the whole darach situation. Stopping her before she can hurt anyone. Stopping the alpha pack from killing Erica and Boyd.

[He's started pacing again.]

I've even thought about going back to that night in the woods. Not dragging Scott out there. But...that sorta seems like it should be his call to make, and not mine. You know?

Stiles.

[She whispers his name, then takes a deep, calming breath because she has to talk to him and get him to understand the importance of this.

After a moment, she rubs her hands over her face then lifts her head to look at him again, trying to compose herself as much as possible.]

I don't care if you change your mind later. I don't care if you haven't really decided what you want yet. I don't care if you think Dean is gonna take forever to graduate. [Another deep breath and she stands up.]

I need you to change your deal to something else soon. Like, tomorrow. No later than that.

Just not-- to the last thing. [Not to the bite. Maybe that's selfish but what if Scott doesn't get the bite and they never come together like this? All of them?]

[He stops when she whispers his name and he turns to face her, troubled expression on his face. He moves closer to her when she stands up. He knows, gets why she's so freaked out. And it isn't that he thinks Dean will take forever to graduate. It's that Dean struggles so much with everything that he knows it's going to be awhile. He accepted that the day they'd been paired up by the Admiral.

But he nods.]

Okay. Okay, I'll change it in the morning.

[He hesitates, then reaches up and cups her face in his hands.] I'll go with when Erica and Boyd were first taken.

[She's really shaken up again. She's trying to calm herself down, but it terrifies her to think that this has been a possibility all along and she never even considered it.

And finding out now, after what they just went through a few weeks ago. It just feels so real. She really hates this place. And she hates it even more when she knows she's stuck here if she wants to try to protect them. To right the wrongs.

After another deep breath, she nods and lifts her hands to his arm.]

Thank you for telling me. [Her voice is a little less shaky this time.]

And-- I'm not trying to tell you what to do with your deal. But-- [And then her voice cracks again.]

I can't deal with knowing that losing you is a possibility.

[He leans in and kisses her forehead gently, closing his eyes for a moment.]

I know. I'm sorry. [He pulls her closer to him and rests his chin atop her head, troubled now for a different reason.]

You know that -- this wasn't about you or about Scott, right? That it wasn't...I mean, my judgment when I came here wasn't at its best.

[Then again, when is it, really?]

I don't want that now. I haven't for a long time.

[She almost asks him to promise her that he doesn't want it. That he's changed his mind one hundred percent and that he understands it now.

She knows him better than that, though. And she also knows she needs more than a promise.]

I know. I know it was the guilt talking. [She tightens her arms around him, but pulls her head back to look at him.]

But if you ever start thinking about that again, you have to tell us, Stiles. [She doesn't want to hold what happened during that flood against him, she knows it's not fair, so she doesn't mention it.]

You need to give us a chance to remind you how much we love you. How much we need you.

[His eyes are troubled as he gazes back at her. He knows exactly what she's thinking about, even if she's not saying it. And okay, maybe the normal reaction to terrifying situations shouldn't be to permanently remove yourself from the situation. It probably isn't the normal reaction, but Stiles has never really been normal. And maybe it's possible that he should be spending more time in Jean's office than he has been.]

I love you, too.

[His voice is quiet and he leans his forehead against hers for a moment.]

You know, I think that...we really could use that break away from here for a few days. [He hadn't really considered it a viable option until she mentioned it, but the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks it'll do them both good. They can clear their heads. Maybe he can figure out a better, more efficient game plan for helping Dean. Maybe when they get back, his inmate won't be actively hating him anymore.]