lydiascreams | [032. And you want three wishes.]

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[032. And you want three wishes.]

[Today, a basket of candy showed up in everyone's cabin.

The candy will be personalized to match people's tastes. If for some reason someone's world doesn't have candy, it'll be a collection of the best candy from Lydia's Earth.

There'll be a note on the basket that says:

Be Sweeter!
♥ Lydia

Those who eat the candy will be feeling a lot more mellow, calm, and will be overall less likely to get involved in fights or anything violent.

The more candy consumed, the stronger the effect will be. The time it lasts will depend on everyone's biology and metabolism. The only side effect is that-- it might make people hungrier than usual.

She's fully expecting people to ask her about the candy, and she'll be glad to answer questions anyone might have. Even if she is pretty worn out from getting all of that done.]

[Video - Wardens]
[She's also exhausted from the other thing she did. After Arthas was released, she wasted no time before taking care of him.

When she starts the video, she has a tired, but satisfied smile on her lips.]

I have taken care of Arthas for the time being. He won't be hurting anyone.

[She turns the camera to show a bunny in a pen, and he's showing her his teeth. So she turns the camera back to herself.]

He's pretty vicious for now. I encourage anyone who knows him to come see him and talk to him. He's still himself and he'll remain this way until he starts to listen to us.

For his safety, I won't let him out of my sight, but his communicator is with him in case you want to leave him a message.

[Private - Pounce]
[She's still more than a little shaken up. She doesn't know what she was thinking, she doesn't understand how she couldn't see it before, but she does now. And she wants to fix it. So she follows Letty's suggestion and doesn't hesitate before asking for more help.]

I need your help with Arthas. It's urgent.

[Spam - Stiles]
[It's not until after she took care of everything with Arthas. Until after she spoke with Letty, took a shower and she managed to calm down that she makes her way over to his cabin with Prada in her arms.

She finds it strange that he hasn't checked in on her yet, but as she uses her key and quietly steps into his room only to find him passed out on his desk, it suddenly makes sense why.

So she closes the door quietly, sets Prada down, then silently makes her way over to her boyfriend.

If he was in bed, she wouldn't wake him. But as it is, he just looks uncomfortable.]

Stiles. [She whispers quietly, then places a hand on his arm.]

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[He's been exhausted. He doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't know how to help Dean, he doesn't know how to help Scott. He feels like he's spiraling out of control. Not like when he'd been possessed, but it's still not a feeling he enjoys.

He starts a little when she lays a hand on his arm, and he pulls his head up and off the desk, blinking owlishly.]

Lydia? What's going on?

[She gives him a small smile, then brushes her hand over his hair when he looks up at her.]

You fell asleep.

[And then she pulls her hand away just to take off the coat she was wearing on top of her pajamas so no one would see her in them on the way to his cabin. Once the coat is on the back of his chair, she turns her attention back on him and holds out her hand.]

You need to go to bed.

[She doesn't know if she'll be able to sleep at all, she's still so upset, so disappointed in herself. But if he's able to sleep, she'll just let him. Because she knows how hard sleep is on him.]

[He reaches out and takes her hand, rising to his feet. He is tired, but there's something not quite right. He knows her so well by now he can feel it even though she looks just fine.]

Wait. What's going on, Lyds?

[He steps closer to her, resting his free hand on her shoulder.]

[At this point, she doesn't even bother trying to hide anything from him anymore. Not just because he can see it, but also because she trusts him and she knows she doesn't have to worry about being weak around him.

He'll always help her.

But it doesn't mean she's any less ashamed of that she did.

She tightens her grip around his hand, lifting the other one to his arm. There are scratches all over that one, from when she picked Arthas up, but she already cleaned it up.

With a deep breath, she looks at him for a moment.]

I don't know if I can do this. Be a warden.

[Her face crumbles and her eyes tear up, so she looks away. She knows she doesn't have a choice, that she has to figure it out. Because Stiles needs her to, Allison needs her to. She has to do it for them, for Scott. To stop everything from happening back home.

But now she doesn't know how she's supposed to do it. To get her deal.]

[It's pointless for him, too. They're too close, too...tethered. He wouldn't have it any other way at this point.

He looks down at her hand, frowning at the scratches. They're clean, but they're red and angry. And she hadn't had them just a few hours before, when he'd last seen her. He reaches up to touch her hand, then lifts his gaze to hers, startled by her words.]

Hey.

[Those are the last words he'd expected Lydia to say, even if it's something he's been thinking of himself lately.]

Hey, look at me.

[He lifts his hand to her cheek, cupping it in his hand and gently turning her head back toward him so he can look at her.]

What happened?

[She leans into his touch instantly. And then she takes a deep, calming breath.

It won't help much. It's something she's been feeling since she got unpaired from Andrew. It's something she's been questioning herself about since before that. Since she failed to make progress with him.]

I was trying to stop Arthas from hurting someone else. Letty said he was gonna come after her once he got out of zero and I didn't want anyone else to die.

[Her stomach turns when she remembers how helpless she'd felt when she was turned.]

I was torturing him and I didn't even realize it, Stiles.

[He knows she struggled with Andrew. But truthfully he doesn't think that's all on her. Or even mostly. The kid had basically locked himself inside his room for weeks on end. Half the time Stiles forgot he was there at all.

He looks at her questioningly and then worry creeps into his features.]

What do you mean? Torturing him how?

[How does a person even torture a guy like Arthas? Especially when they're someone like Lydia?]

[She has to explain herself properly, not to try and justify what she did. But so that he really understands where she's coming from.]

I wanted to get him to listen, I wanted to give people who know him a chance to talk to him, to try and get through to him without being afraid that he was going to try and kill them. He was already threatening to do that.

So I turned him into a rabbit. And I didn't realize how trapped he was feeling inside that body that isn't his. How helpless he must have felt and how much angrier it'd make him.

Until Letty turned me into one, too.

[There's a reason that Stiles steers clear of Arthas as best he can. And maybe he still has a mindset of not his inmate, not his problem. He has a feeling that's probably not going to change for most. Stiles just doesn't have the capacity to care the way that people like Lydia and Scott do.]

Oh.

[He wasn't expecting that, that's for certain. It's the rest of what she says that really throws him. How the hell long had he been asleep!?]

Holy shit. Are you okay?

[His eyes are wide and he rests both of his hands on her shoulders, looking her over for anything amiss.]

[She holds her breath while he checks on her, while he makes sure she's not hurt. He doesn't get it, though. That she isn't the one who got hurt. She's responsible for it.]

I'm not hurt. [It definitely doesn't mean she's okay, though. Pretty far from it.]

He's back to normal and Pounce helped me. He's with him now. I also went to see Letty but--

[Her eyes tear up and she can't look at him anymore.]

I should never have done that, Stiles. I shouldn't have hurt him like that, no matter what he did.

[When he's confident she really is physically fine, he lets his gaze shift back to meet her eyes. The distress there is nearly palpable and he shifts closer to her, reaching up and cupping her face in his hands.]

Lydia, hey.

[His voice grows soft once more.]

We all make mistakes. There isn't a handbook here.

I know. But this isn't who I wanna be, this isn't what I wanna do. I thought I was helping him, but I'm not--

[She shakes her head slightly, then sighs deeply, leaning her face into his hands but looking down.]

He unpaired me from Andrew then sent him home for a reason. What if I can't do this? [What happens to him and Allison if she can't?]

[He pulls her into his arms, holding her close and resting his hand on the back of her head.]

He sent Jack and Facilier home, too. I don't think any of that's a judgement on you guys.

[She turns her face against his chest as she wraps her arms around him tightly.]

What if it is? What if I never get my deal and he just sends me home and-- [She can bring herself to say it. But what if Allison is still dead and Stiles is still broken? And what if there's nothing she can do about it?]

[His chest tightens at that and he shakes his head, refusing to think about that.]

Hey, no. That's not going to happen. It won't. [And now his voice is firm, confident. She won't get sent home. She can't.]

[She knows what she did, she knows she scared him, too. Because she doesn't know how she'd stay here if he was gone.

So she takes a deep breath and pulls back enough to look at him.]

I'm sorry.

Edited 2015-05-18 04:10 (UTC)

It's okay.

[And it's not like he hasn't scared her a thousand and one times in a hundred different ways in the last couple of years.]

You're not getting sent back, all right?

[He won't let it happen.]

[She nods slightly, then wraps her arms around his neck so she can pull him closer.]

If I-- [take a break. But she doesn't want the same confusion as last time, so she catches herself.]

Leave for a while, after Allison wakes up, will you come with me?

[He pulls her closer still, and rests his forehead against hers.]

Yeah. You're not getting rid of me.

[He kisses the tip of her nose.]

[She sighs in relief, nodding slightly as she brushes her nose against his. Just him being there, holding her like this is already helping. It always does.]

Do you think we can get back with the way the ship is now? Without the Admiral?

[He purses his lips, considering the same question that's been plaguing his mind for awhile now.]

I don't know. I hope so.

[She nods slightly, hoping that whatever is happening, whatever happened to the Admiral ends soon. Because she knows where they're headed if it doesn't. They've all been to the other Barge.

But she doesn't wanna think about that, she doesn't wanna consider it until it becomes an issue.

With a deep breath, she tugs on his hand and pulls him toward the bed so they can sit down. Both because this is a draining conversation and because she needs a moment before going back on the main subject.]

Stiles. Can I ask you something extremely personal?

[He's trying very hard not to think about the other barge at all. To the Scott that was there. The Lydia. To the memory of Scott ripping her throat out right in front of him.

He lets her tug him over to the bed and he sits down on the edge of it, raising his eyebrows at the question. There's not a lot left that she doesn't already know about him in the extremely personal sense.]

Yeah, of course. What is it?

[This is probably one of the very few things she doesn't know. One of the few things they don't know about each other. They even talked about their families some and-- she doesn't normally bring up her grandma to anyone. And she knows he rarely talks about his mom. But they've talked about them.

Somehow, this feels even more personal, though. She talked about it with Scott. With Allison. But never with him.]

You don't have to answer if you don't want to. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.

But-- your deal. What is it for?

[It's one of the only things she doesn't already know. And it's one he hasn't anticipated her asking after all this time. He grows still, color draining from his face. He takes a deep breath, and rubs a hand over his cheek before letting go of her hand and moving to stand up again. Does he tell her or does he beg off the question? She'll probably figure it out if he does the latter. Either way, she'll know.

And it doesn't matter. He's changing it anyway. He just hasn't yet. He's been busy.]

Okay, if I tell you, I need you to not -- freak out. Or be angry with me. I'm changing it, I just haven't gotten around to it yet.