[026. So you're gone and I'm haunted. And I bet you are just fine.]

[lydiascreams]

[Public video]

[Unlike her last couple of barge-wide communications, Lydia looks serious in this one. If you look close enough, or if you know her a little better, you can tell she's upset.]

Jackson's gone. [The words make her jaw clench, her stomach too. Because she might have moved on romantically, but she cares. She always has and she always will.]

I know he didn't have many friends here, but some of you probably knew him.

[And she feels guilty for not doing more, for not trying harder, for not focusing on him more and helping him every second of free time she had.

With a deep breath, she looks away, then back at the camera, her expression more neutral than before.]

Does anyone know why this happens? Why people are sent back without graduating?

Does anyone know what happens to them?

Comments

PRIVATE

[theresalwayshope]

Oh, sweetie...do you need me to come over?

PRIVATE

[lydiascreams]

[Lydia knew Allison would make the offer as soon as she saw the message. She wants to see her, but she also knows Allison's dealing with a lot herself.]

Stiles' on his way.

I'm okay. I just-- wish I could make sure he's okay back home without actually going back.

PRIVATE

[theresalwayshope]

That doesn't answer my question, Lydia.

[And she does still feel shaky, her control tenuous...she doesn't want to slip up and hurt anyone.

This is more then wolf than the girl, however. She knows if Stiles is going over to see her, she'll be okay. They can talk a little later, maybe even talk about Stiles...soothe the ache of losing Jackson by embracing what she has now in the warmest, silliest, most joyful way they possibly can with ice cream and pets playing on the floor and curling up under throws on the couch and badgering each other into telling tales about the boys they love.

The wolf needs something simpler, baser: to check her pack, to protect her people. Make them safe, mark them, brand them, keep them for herself, from harm, from fear. It rebuilds a measure of that tenuous control, and the threat that comes with it...

Fix. Hunt. Feed. Mine.

It's a swell of violent, blood-soaked need she can allow to fill her, pass through her, and reach into the core to pluck out the true sentiment: care for its own. Fix the problem. Heal the pack...nourish, sustain, an animal instinct that translates to food, but is far broader in a human mind.]

So I'm gonna take that as a 'yes,' and stop by the dining hall to see if there's anything chocolate laying around before I head over. No arguing.

[She hesitates, then softens a little.]

He's okay, sweetie. We both know he comes through it all okay. Maybe there's just...more he needs to see of his own life before he'll be ready to come back here and work the program.

PRIVATE

[lydiascreams]

I wouldn't argue with you coming over, Allison. I just know you have things on your mind. [And that she probably doesn't want to leave Isaac alone. But it does sound nice, having both her and Stiles around. Two of the people she cares the most about, and Scott, too. Seeing them, making sure they're there, that they're safe and okay.

She smiles softly and nods a little at Allison's reassurance.]

I know. I know, I'll just-- make sure I check up on him when we go home.

PRIVATE

[theresalwayshope]

Good. [She stops to draw a shaky breath, gathering her composure, and manages to at least look a little more resolute before narrowing her eyes at Lydia a little, raising an eyebrow and smiling slightly.]

And I know I promised not to jump in front of any more literal bullets? But I said nothing about the figurative ones. My mind can wait, yours comes first. If I feel shaky, we can always bring the pack pile back to Isaac's room. Promise.

Be there in a few, 'kay?

PRIVATE

[lydiascreams]

We'll have to drag Stiles back with us if we do that. [She's teasing softly, and keeping her voice light because she doesn't want her best friend to feel pressured and she definitely doesn't want her to lose control and feel guilty about it.

That and that sounds nice, being with their respective boyfriends somewhere. Lydia has always really liked double dates.]

I'll see you soon.