lydiascreams | [012. Haunting me, taking its sweet time.]

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[012. Haunting me, taking its sweet time.]

[Video -- Wardens]
[Lydia looks a little more tired than usual. Not even her makeup is able to really cover up the dark circles under her eyes. But she's still doing her best to look put together. Her hair is in a half updo and she's wearing a white and pink flower print dress.

If anyone asks, she will blame Bucky's training for her exhaustion. But it has very little to do with it.]

I don't know how many of you heard about the new inmate, Jerry Dandrige. He barely arrived and he has already spent a week in Zero. He has hurt a few people and I'm afraid he will do it again.

Those of you with more experience here, what do you suggest we do about it?

[Video -- Andrew]
[She does make a bigger effort to smile when she contacts Andrew, though.]

I've had some ideas about how to help you with the Anchor thing.

[Spam -- Stiles]
[She knows it has to be all in her head. Between her inability to sleep in the past few days, constantly seeing him out in the halls every time she turns to go somewhere. Every time she closes her eyes. She's done enough research to know it's some kind of PTSD. And she also knows that the fact that he is dead has to be throwing off her banshee senses.

But it's getting hard even for Lydia Martin to remain logical. It's only been a couple of days since it started getting really bad, but she hasn't been able to clear her mind enough to stop it. And tonight is no different.

No, if anything, tonight is even worse. She's in her cabin and she keeps feeling like he's going to just show up in there. In bed, next to her. Telling her he can't give her answers yet. Much like Peter had done. Because she's having a hard time separating the two. And she can't help but wonder what kind of power Jerry will find he has over her when he does have the confirmation she's indeed a banshee.

Trying to tell herself she's being ridiculous isn't helping. Lydia rubs her hands over her face but when she glances over, all she can do is focus on the light coming from the hallway from underneath her door. And every time someone walks past her cabin, she tenses. She doesn't even know if there really are people out there or not. She doesn't know if the shadows are all in her head. But she does feel like she's losing it yet again.

She can't just lay there anymore. She glances over at the clock and it's almost one. She has to be up in 3 hours for training and she's determined not to embarrass herself in front of Bucky or anyone else anymore, so she knows she needs to get some rest.

And she knows there's only one place where she might actually get it.

Her body is sore as she pushes herself off the bed, pausing only for a second to grab her robe and wrap it around herself. She will come back to change in the morning.

Lydia does hesitate before pulling the door open and when she does, she takes a deep breath. Then rolls her eyes at herself and steps outside. She doesn't see him at first, but eventually, just as she's about to leave the 5th floor, she glances down the hall and she swears he's there. And then, at least three more times before she reaches the door of 712. And by the time she does, she's already looking around herself, eyes wide, just waiting. Expecting him to show up and grab her. Expecting claws to dig at her side and teeth at hew neck.

She knocks quickly, standing very close to the door as she glances over one shoulder, then the other. And hopes Stiles will hurry up.]

[Spam -- Bucky]
[Lydia is angry. She's angry about a lot. About what Jerry has been doing to her. If it's really him, if it's something in her head, she doesn't know. She's angry at Allison for wanting to protect her instead of protecting herself. She's angry at the other wardens for jumping to the conclusion that killing is the only solution. And she's angry at herself for not being able to control any of these situations.

So this morning, when she shows up to training, she's completely different. She's not complaining. She's quieter than usual. And she's focuses. Very focused on everything Bucky is telling them. Even if she barely wants to look at him right now. She knows that at the very least, learning what he is teaching will give her more control. Will help her be able to help herself instead of relying on Allison or someone from the pack to save her life every time.

After training is over, she doesn't leave. She heads to one of the stations to go back to training. She knows inmates can't come in here unless they are let in, so at least she knows she's safer here than in the rest of the barge.]

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[She knows. She knows he'd do anything to protect her and it terrifies her. She can't have him die for her, too. She is just tired of people having to protect her.

With a deep breath, she nods slightly. She came over hoping to stay, and as usual, Stiles doesn't let her down. He takes her in with, literally, open arms. She lifts her head and, once more, she can't stop herself from pressing her lips lightly against his cheek. It's almost like hugging him isn't enough right now. Like it hadn't been that they in the woods after Allison died for the second time.]

Thank you. [She whispers, and when she pulls away to look up at him, her eyes are still slightly tearful, even though she hasn't actually cried.]

When did you get all this?

[And that's something he understands, too. It's why he's working his ass off at Bucky's boot camp. Why he's training with Stephanie. Why Stephen's teaching him about guns and how to use them. He's tired of being the weak link.

He smiles very faintly when she kisses his cheek, and he gives her arm a gentle squeeze in return before looking from her to the alarm system.]

Couple days ago. Babs hooked me up. [Initially it was a lot more about making sure no one tried breaking into his room to take a look at Dean's file. It just happened that there are more reasons to need it in place now.]

Which reminds me. [He moves over to his desk and opens the top drawer, pulling out an envelope and handing it over to her.]

[She can't help the disappointment and loss she feels when he pulls away, but the smile on his face makes her smile back. Just a little. Her head is still a little fuzzy from all the anxiety and fear from the walk there. And she's still sleep deprived. But she manages to focus when he hands her an envelope.]

What is it? [She asks quietly, reaching to open in. And part of her is afraid it will be bad news somehow. Even if she knows they can't get mail on board.]

[He draws in a breath, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck and suddenly looking a little uncertain.]

Just uh -- open it?

[She eyes him for a second then nods, reaching inside the envelope and pausing when she feels the cold metal against her skin. She pulls out the key and her stomach tightens. She can't help but think of the other time a guy gave her a key. And how that turned out.

And she knows it's not the same. That Stiles isn't Jackson. And their whole situation is different, but she's not sure why he's giving her a key now.]

It's for the new lock? [She keeps her voice quiet, her eyes on the key in her hand.]

[He isn't sure what to make of the expression on her face. He isn't sure how to read the tone she uses either. His eyebrows furrow a little.]

Yeah. Well, for the two locks that aren't the chainlock. But you'll need it to get in, and then you'll have to enter a code into the alarm to keep it from going off. You'll have about sixty seconds.

[He hesitates, feeling even more awkward now.]

It's you know, if I'm not here and you need to be. [If you're in trouble.] Plus uh, Steve is just a couple doors down.

[As he starts to explain his reasoning behind giving her a key to his cabin, her eyes tear up again. It's not that when she got the key for Jackson's house, it was for a bad reason. It wasn't. It was what worked for them at the time, and they were both okay with brushing it off as something less than it was.

But it's Stiles and he's supposedly -- or not supposedly according to Allison and Alan -- a guy who has been in love with her since they were little. And all he's offering her is a safe place for her to be. The only place in the ship where he can possibly have some privacy, too.

She lifts her eyes to look at him and when she sees the earnest, completely open if slightly unsure look on his face, she feels her heart clench. Her visions suddenly completely blurry by tears.

With a quick nod, she sniffs and purses her lips together, wrapping both hands around the key.]

Thank you.

[He holds his breath at the sight of her tears, feeling like he's done something wrong and not really sure what it is. He bites his lower lip, unsure of what to say or do now because she's crying and he's pretty sure he somehow unknowingly caused it and it makes him feel kind of sick to his stomach.

He takes a hesitant step closer.]

Did I...I don't know what I said that upset you, but I'm sorry? [His expression is stricken.]

[Lydia pauses at his question, her stomach clenching at the look on his face. She shakes her head, brushing the back of her hand over her cheek as she steps closer, then reaching out to take his hand.]

You didn't. You didn't upset me. [She purses her lips together in a weak attempt for a smile. He has no idea. And she knows it's her own fault.]

I feel-- safer. Here. [A pause.] With you.

[He looks down at their hands, relaxing a little when she assures him he didn't upset her. He still doesn't understand what did. Maybe it's just everything, the compilation of all the crap they've been through at home and here on the Barge. Maybe it's something else entirely.

One thing's for sure: her words catch him off guard. She feels safe with him. He doesn't doubt the truth behind her words. Lydia isn't the type of person to casually lie about things, let alone things like that. But he doesn't understand it. He doesn't have super strength or super speed or claws. He has a bat.]

Oh.

[And she thinks his bat is a pretty stupid idea. Going against claws and super strength. But that's not what she means, and he clearly doesn't understand what she's talking about. Part of her wants to shake him, because how could he not at least have some idea? She's come to his room on more than one occasion when she couldn't sleep. And she's told hm before she sleeps better when he's there. He knows about the tether.

But his confusion is... cute. And she can't help but smile softly. In a way, it feels weird. A little different than before Allison yelled at her. Like she's paying attention to things she didn't realize she was seeing before. Because she knows they have been there. And she's not sure she hates her best friend for it or not just yet.

Because it's Stiles and he obviously has no clue about all that either. Which means that now it's up to her to either show him or let it go. And she's confused about the whole thing, which-- she really hates. But she doesn't hate him. No, definitely not.]

Don't look so shocked. [Her voice is quiet but she does take a step closer, lifting the hand where she's still holding the key to his side.]

[It isn't the best weapon, obviously. But Stiles isn't sure he's comfortable enough to use a gun as a main weapon. Besides, the bat is his warden's item. It's not going anywhere anytime soon.

He knows about the tether, he knows that he feels better around her when he's upset about things. She has said she sleeps better with him around, but he's just assumed it's because of all the stuff they've been through. That having at least one person she cares about with her while she rests is comforting. He offers her a small smile and a shrug at her comment.]

Not shocked, more...surprised? [And yes, there's a difference in his mind.]

At least that has a more positive connotation to it.

[The way she cocks her head to look at him and -- despite her near breakdown on him just seconds before -- the way her voice takes a slightly teasing note might be seen as flirting. Maybe. Very subtle flirting. It's something that comes easy for her. But not usually used on Stiles. It doesn't bother her, though. Maybe testing the waters right now is a good thing. She needs more than just Allison's possibly twisted perception to be sure how he may or may not still feel.

Whatever happens, she knows she doesn't want to lose this, whatever it is, that they have. It means too much to her and at least this she knows means a lot to him too.]

Why surprised?

[He smiles at that, nodding.]

Exactly. [He isn't sure what to make of the way she cocks her head to look at him. At the light teasing in her tone that wasn't there moments before.]

I guess it's...[He hesitates, and moves to sit down on the edge of his bed, tugging her with him.] Scott and Isaac are more logical choices for making people feel safe?

[She lets him pull her to his bed and settles down next to him easily, a soft smile appearing on her lips at his suggestion. They would be more logical choices. For Kira and Allison, maybe. But they've never really been her choice. She trusts Scott with her life, but she would never think about going to him with something like this. She has an intimacy with Stiles that she doesn't have with the other two boys. A closeness. And she's okay with that.]

Not for me. Besides, they can't understand what I'm talking about half the time, anyway. [Yes it's an exaggeration, but Stiles' ego obviously needs work.]

[He turns his head to look at her when she smiles softly and tells him not for her. Something about the simplicity of that statement warms his heart and he smiles, too, looking down at the floor. The two of them do share something more than what's usual between two friends. It's not quite romantic, but it's more than platonic. He doesn't know what it is, exactly, but it's...somehow everything that matters. He squeezes her hand a little and glances at her with a small, wry smile.]

Well, we're not all at genius level.

[This time it's his voice that's light and teasing. He nudges her shoulder gently with his own.]

[It's a very unexpected urge she feels all of the sudden. Between the soft, sweet smile on his face, the nudging and the teasing, she just wants to shift closer and wrap her arms around him and press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. She's not sure why she's feeling that all of the sudden, and she almost gives in to the urge, but she's not quite there yet.

So she compromises with herself and instead just lets go of his hand and wraps her arms around him again.]

No. But some of you understand geniuses better than others. [She's teasing. But she does feel the need to add to it, so she doesn't knock his ego down.]

Possibly because you're smarter than average, too. Especially when it comes to the Supernatural.

[His smile widens a little when she hugs him again and he wraps his arms around her in return, resting his head against hers. He smirks at her comment. He knows he's not a genius and he's okay with that.]

Nice save. [His tone is joking and he gives her a tiny squeeze. He doesn't mind the banter. Doesn't take it personally because he knows her well enough by now to know it's just teasing. But he does chew his lower lip at that, gaze drifting across the room to all the books spread out on his desk.]

It was easier when I had access to the Internet.

Save? I don't know what you're talking about.

[Lydia grins softly as she leans her cheek against his arm, closing her eyes and sighing comfortably. She has no clue how she went from a pile of nerves to just-- contently snuggling against Stiles. But she is feeling a lot better. And like she told him, safe.

She doesn't even need to open her eyes to know he's looking at his desk with how she feels his head turning toward it. She squeezes him back and grows a little stiffer. Just barely. He probably wouldn't have noticed if she wasn't pressed against his side.]

Vampires?

Sure you don't.

[He smiles, one hand reaching up and gently resting against the back of her head, thumb stroking her hair absently.

He feels her tense and he tightens his arms around her just a little.]

Yeah. Trying to sort through all the mythology.

[With her cheek still pressed against his arm, she lifts her head and looks up at him, holding her breath for a second.]

Did you find anything? Any patterns? [Something that is more likely to be true in every version of a vampire out there. Something they can use.]

[He meets her eyes, wishing he had better news to tell her.]

Pretty much just the stuff we've always heard. Garlic, holy water, sunlight, wooden stake, beheading. But considering the stuff we've always heard about werewolves doesn't apply to the ones where we're from...short of trial and error I think it's all guesswork right now.

Edited 2014-09-05 16:26 (UTC)

[Lydia sighs softly and nods. She's not an expert, but at least those basics she's considered.]

We can ask one of the hunters, but-- I want to try and leave Allison out of it. [She knows how capable her best friend is. And that's the problem.]

She's set on just killing him, Stiles. I don't want that for her.

[He rubs her back lightly, leaning his head against hers once more.]

Yeah. I'm gonna talk with Dean about it. [Again, but he doesn't add that.] I think leaving Allison out of it's definitely for the best.

Edited 2014-09-05 16:54 (UTC)

[She lifts her head just slightly and presses her nose to his jaw as she closes her eyes again, twisting her fingers loosely against his shirt.]

Maybe just not tell him who you're talking about? I really want to avoid the vampire hunt. [It's not so much that she thinks Jerry is any good, but she doesn't want anyone else to have to kill him. There has to be another way.]